Menopause, Perimenopause & the Truth About Vaginal Health—What No One Told Me

I thought I’d know when menopause was coming.

I imagined some kind of obvious transition—one day, I’d wake up, my period would be gone, I’d have a few hot flashes, and that would be that.

Instead, it snuck up on me.

It started with random night sweats that left me kicking off the covers at 3 AM, only to wake up freezing five minutes later. Then came the brain fog—where did I put my phone again? Oh, right… in the fridge, next to the milk. 

And then, out of nowhere, sex started feeling different.

Not emotionally—physically. Things felt tighter. More sensitive. Drier. And no matter how much I wanted to be in the moment, my body just wasn’t cooperating the way it used to.

For a while, I thought it was just me.

I thought maybe I wasn’t drinking enough water, maybe I was just stressed, maybe I needed to “try harder” to get in the mood. I never considered that my vaginal pH had changed, or that lower estrogen levels were making my body feel different—even though I was still very much the same person.

And because no one ever talked about this stuff, I felt completely alone.

Until I started talking to other women my age.

And guess what? We were ALL going through the same thing. 

So I started making changes even though I didn’t totally know what I was stepping into at the time. 

I stopped using harsh body washes that were stripping my natural moisture (something I never even realized they did).

Looking back, I had no idea how stripping and irritating some of my go-to shower products were. I just assumed if it smelled good and made me feel “clean,” it was doing its job. But once my skin started changing, I realized these were some of the worst offenders:

• Olay Ultra Moisture Body Wash with Shea Butter – I bought this because it said “ultra moisture” on the bottle, but the second ingredient was sodium laureth sulfate—a harsh surfactant that left my skin feeling tight and dry minutes after showering. Definitely not the hydration boost I expected.

• Bath & Body Works Warm Vanilla Sugar Shower Gel – I used this one for years, thinking it made me “smell fresh,” but I never realized how strong artificial fragrance and dyes could irritate sensitive skin. Plus, the combination of sulfates and drying alcohols made things worse over time.

• Dr. Bronner’s Peppermint Pure-Castile Soap – I switched to this thinking I was making a clean, natural choice, but I didn’t realize how highly alkaline castile soap could throw off vaginal pH. That intense tingling sensation? Yeah… definitely not ideal for intimate areas.

It took me way too long to realize that just because something foams up nicely and smells great doesn’t mean it’s good for my skin.

I started prioritizing hydration—not just drinking water but making sure my skin and my vaginal tissue were actually moisturized.

For most of my life, hydration meant chugging water and slathering on a little lotion after shaving. I never really thought about where my body needed moisture the most—until dryness became impossible to ignore. Here’s how I changed my approach:

• I stopped assuming “moisturizing body wash” was enough – I used to believe that body washes with shea butter or aloe would somehow “lock in hydration,” but I learned the hard way that if something foams up like crazy, it’s likely stripping my skin. Now, I make sure every product I use actually supports my skin barrier instead of just coating it in a temporary layer of moisture.

• I started treating my intimate skin like the rest of my body – I had a full routine for my face, but when it came to my vaginal area, I was just… ignoring it. I never realized vaginal tissue can get dehydrated, too. Now, I think of it like my lips—just because something isn’t flaking off doesn’t mean it’s not dry.

• I learned that “drink more water” isn’t the only answer – Yes, hydration starts from within, but if my skin barrier isn’t retaining moisture, all the water in the world won’t help. I started eating more healthy fats (avocados, nuts, olive oil) and actually paying attention to ingredients in my skincare and body care—because hydration isn’t just about what you put in your body, but what you put on it.

Once I started making small, intentional changes, I realized that hydration isn’t just about looking dewy—it’s about feeling comfortable in my own skin, every single day.

I stopped waiting for things to “go back to normal” and started figuring out what my body needed now.

For the longest time, I kept telling myself, This is just a phase. My body will adjust. Things will go back to the way they were. But the truth is, there was no “going back”—only learning how to move forward.

I let go of the idea that discomfort was just something I had to accept – I used to think that vaginal dryness, irritation, or feeling off was just part of getting older. I waited for it to “pass” instead of treating it like something I could manage. When I finally stopped ignoring the signals my body was sending me, I realized that small changes—like switching to gentler products and actually addressing hydration—made a bigger difference than I expected.

I stopped comparing myself to my younger body – I wasted so much time thinking, Why isn’t my body responding the way it used to? Why doesn’t sex feel the same? But instead of mourning the changes, I started working with them. I gave myself permission to take my time, to adjust, and to acknowledge that different doesn’t mean worse—it just means different.

I redefined what “normal” even meant for me – Instead of chasing some outdated version of myself, I started asking, ‘What does feeling good look like for me today?’ Maybe it means prioritizing comfort over trends. Maybe it means choosing products that actually support my body instead of just using what I always have. Maybe it means changing the way I approach intimacy—taking my time, focusing on connection instead of just routine.

I spent too long waiting for my body to go back to something it had outgrown. Once I stopped looking backward and started focusing on what actually made me feel good in the present, everything changed. I wasn’t “losing” anything—I was learning how to take care of myself in a way I never had before.

If I could go back and tell my younger self anything, it would be this: Menopause isn’t the end of anything—it’s a transition. Your body isn’t betraying you, it’s just changing. And the more you work with it instead of against it, the better you’ll feel.